Going slow on growing up

Search for ‘the Odyssey years’ on the internet and you get tens of thousands of results. The 1,000 most recent search results refer to NYT columnist David Brooks’ piece on the subject (that was carried in last week’s Sunday Times). ‘‘The odyssey is the decade of wandering that frequently occurs between adolescence and adulthood. During this decade, 20-somethings go to school and take breaks from school.They live with friends and they live at home. They fall in and out of love. They try one career and then try another,’’ writes Brook.
Author Craig Dunham in his book TwentySomeone: Finding Yourself in a Decade of Transition, agrees. ‘‘The decade of your twenties is full of important, stressful, maddening questions: What will I do? Who will I love? Where will I live? But maybe there’s a bigger question: Who am I? The fact is, the period of time between your teens and thirties will shape a lot of your character, your calling, and your view of the world. Instead of asking, What will I do? twentysomeones need to ask Who am I? the real question of the twenties,’’ he writes.
Can’t Hurry Love- We all know somebody or the other in this stage of life. Perhaps a daughter who refuses to believe the biological clock exists. Or a son who’s changed five jobs. ‘‘The Odyssey years are all about pushing life’s decisions back by a few years and living in the moment,’’ says 29-year-old techie Siddharth Bhalla. ‘‘My folks are abroad and I live home alone. I have a few girlfriends who keep coming over. I just switched BPOs and can’t even dream of getting married. I’m having too much fun right now,’’ says the party animal.
Parents of Gen Odyssey are not too thrilled at the idea of journeying through life at one’s own pace. Says Chitra Kumar, the mother of 28-year-old graphic designer Nitya, ‘‘I was a mother twice over when I was Nitya’s age. I realise she’s finding her creative space but delaying marriage and children can’t be good for a girl. Then there’s my son Nitin who has finally found a great job but just doesn’t want to get married.’’ According to Brooks, in the Odyssey years, marriage gives way to cohabitation. At 30, Nitin believes he has a good five years before he needs to worry about settling down. ‘‘I love Ma’s cooking and my space. Why would I spoil it by getting married? Even if I did meet somebody interesting, I’d probably consider living in, not marriage.’’
After her first engagement broke off, ad executive Sarita Shah threw herself into her work, defied the norm, married at 32 and had her first child at 34.“But I hope my daughter finds her vocation and her spouse in her 20s, and can get on with it, not spending time wandering, looking for herself. It does appear that the odyssey is going to be the norm for some time, though. The trick is to make sure you’re seeking to find something, not just ambling through life avoiding commitment.’’
But as a certain Ms Diana Ross put it, ‘‘you can’t hurry love, you just have to wait, you got to trust, give it time, no matter how long it takes...’’
Livin la vida loca- Karan Dudeja is planning to spend the new year on a cruise liner. Last year, he partied with friends in Dubai. ‘‘I don’t need to save right now. As an only child, I’ll inherit the house I live in. Work-wise, I want to make big bucks. Till then, I’m doing this and that,’’ says the 27-year-old who thinks he’s a refined version of DJ — Aamir Khan’s character in Rang De Basanti (RDB). ‘‘Adulthood has definitely been pushed back,’’ says RDB director Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra. who modelled DJ’s character on a close friend. ‘‘Time was when parents believed marriage was a sureshot way of inculcating responsibility in their young sons. Today’s youngsters would rather take the time to figure life out than take the plunge hurriedly. DJ’s character wanted to remain in college forever because he was comfortable there. It was his way of escaping from the rat race. In real life, the traditional mantle of adulthood comes with marriage, kids and a house. And today’s 20-somethings have the luxury of avoiding this life stage for a little longer than their parents did.’’
Shashi Sudigala, 30, almost missed out on his odyssey. ‘‘ I never had the urge to backpack myself into remote spiritual destinations for finding myself. My middle-class upbringing never let me contemplate, even for a second, to take a year off from everything and resume college later. I probably conformed to conventional norms by enrolling myself into a prestigious institution and landing a great job. Only when I was comfortably settled in my adult-phase did I realise that I was about to be an investment banker every day for the rest of my life. That woke me up.’’ With support from family and friends, Hyderabad-based Shashi restructured his life to do what he really wanted to do — make movies. After assisting directors like Nagesh Kukunoor, today Shashi’s own directorial venture Cycle Kick is in the post-production phase. ‘‘I found myself in my so-called Odyssey years but only by a sort of trial and error process between adolescence and adulthood, zigzagging between various things. I didn’t have to desert my family and people close to me, experiment with mind-altering substances or go on long indefinite trips. As much as all these things might have their own edge, I went on my odyssey by staying close to home but by following my dream.’’
Baby, one more time- Fluidity is the buzzword in the Odyssey years. Be it your job, your relationship or your dreams — everything has the licence to change. Psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh calls those in the Odyssey years the ‘reset’ generation. ‘‘Like their latest new-fangled gizmo, these young people simply choose to ‘reset’ their ‘play’ buttons by changing jobs, partners or friends, instead of trying to cope. They want to try everything out at least once and believe there’s still time before they get down to getting settled in life.’’
Social scientist Shiv Viswanathan believes the Odyssey is a life stage common only to those in certain professions. ‘‘Liberal professions where the definitions of freedom, friendship and lifestyle are flexible and the lines between office and home is blurred. The Odyssey years are high on innovation and involve continuous improvisation. In the Indian context, I expect to see this trend among those in journalism, academia, IT and research organisations.’’ Viswanathan also asserts that in a typical Indian set-up, emotional expectations are very high and it’s very complex for an individual to set off on a journey, throwing off all family ties. ‘‘But if even 2% of our society gets breathing space for 10 years, the process will be very liberating.’’
Also endorsing the Odyssey years theory is Ryan Healy, consultant and co-founder of a website that gives advice to Gen Y-ers entering the work force, ‘‘Whether you want to call this new life stage Emerging Adulthood or the Odyssey Years, the fact is, your twenties are not the time to start work at a large company, slowly work your way up the ladder, find a spouse and have a kid. That’s an old paradigm, and its one you are more than welcome to embrace if you want to live with boredom and regret for the next 50 years. Your twenties are a time to explore. 20-somethings now understand that new and interesting life experiences are not only fun, but they are actually a key to becoming a well rounded and successful individual.’’
Reacting to Brook’s original article, Stacia, a 20-something Portlander who blogs her journeys (both literal and figurative), writes, ‘‘My mom sent me an op-ed piece from the New York Times a few days ago: The Odyssey Years. The author of the piece claims ‘we know where were going, we have highly traditional aspirations, we rate parenthood more highly than our own parents did even as we lead improvising lives’. Every time I think I have something figured out, I learn something about myself or my environment or the world or whatever and I doubt everything again. So mostly I just work on not being bothered by the doubt. I’m not a confused 20-something... Well, maybe I am. But I’m also hella journeying or whatever. Got my oceans to cross, my cyclops to battle.’’
Or as the old line goes, ‘I don’t know where I’m going, but I can’t wait to get there’.
anubha.sawhney@timesgroup.com